Mogget's Journal
by Lord Gargoyle
Summary: Mogget's Diary. Based on the Sabriel Books. More details inside, no purchase nessessary. (PLEASE READ THE NOTE INSIDE)
1. DISCLAIMER, Y'ALL!

WOO! ITZ DA WEEEEEEEEEEKEND! AND I JUST HAD LIKE 12 GIRL SCOUT COOKIES! I feel really hyper...so, since it is the end of el trimester, I have NO HOMEWORK! LA LA LA! I must have no life if I do this...SO, due to the lack of work I have, I decided to COMPLETELY REVISE chappie 1. Yay! And maybe write a new one.  
  
Disclaimer (Okay, cuz I'm lazy, this is the first time and last time that I'm putting a disclaimer. Refer to here if u think I own everything.)  
  
I don't own anything...LOL. SUGAR HIGH!!!!!!!! AH HA HAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Now...on to the *REVISED* story....... 


	2. MOGGET STARTS A DIARY, AHEM JOURNAL

Okay. After a hundred thousand years of putting it off, I'm starting to write . . . again. Hurrah! Also, for people who have been dying for me to write, just read my Midsummer Night's Dream parody, "Bite me, Bambi". It should keep you entertained for a while.  
  
I apologize to the lack of updates, I was having some personal issues, as well as major "I really don't wanna do this" issues. Heh. I really hope you guys are okay with this, I'm currently in the process of the next chappie. Yay! *throws confetti*  
  
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Entry 1  
  
Decided to keep a diary. Oh. Too feminine . . . journal sounds better. Ha. Now I can write about the havoc I wreak.  
  
DAMAGE COUNT  
  
Destroyed 3 villages  
  
Hm. . . pretty good.  
  
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Entry 2  
  
Damn Amaranth. Made me into the Abhorsen's bloody servant.it wouldn't have been bad if she had put me in a manly form, but noooo, she had to put me in the body of a PANSY CAT! Ah, at least I can still turn into a creepy old man.  
  
AH, now to list the pros and con's of being a cat.  
  
PROS  
  
Tuna  
  
Milk . . . never told any of my demon friends that I liked milk.have a feeling they'd think I was a wimp.or a cat.  
  
CONS  
  
Cannot wreak havoc on a large scale  
  
I'm a bloody cat!  
  
Abhorsens are terrible housekeepers..  
  
Hm . . .ah, well, at least I can wreak havoc on a small scale!  
  
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Entry 3  
  
ARGH! Been with this bloody line of wanna-be-necromancers for a bazillion generations! And now one of them has forbidden me from my manly form? Like, I think not! I am chained (not literally) to this house and I cannot even be a man in front of the ABHORSEN? This is highly unfair. I think I will destroy her paper work now...........  
  
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	3. TERRY, SABRIEL, AND NASTY THINGS

Entry 4  
  
Wow. Been a bit since I wrote . . . naturally. The book got misplaced. Anyhow, new Abhorsen arrived today. Nasty thing, all wet and shivering. And she called me puss. Puss! I told her she was late. And she fainted. Excellent! I haven't had that much of a shock value in, well, a while!  
  
Tried to convince her to take off my collar. She wouldn't. She got all jumpy when the charter servants came in to serve. Nasty things, they always burn the milk. But anyway, it's like her father taught her too well, or not well enough. Ugh. She got all huffy about the Hot Springs. Really! I love them. So long as I'm 10 feet away on a cushion, however.  
  
The sending tried to give her a bath. She seemed quite annoyed, however it was rather amusing. Called the sending a name, who got all huffy and flicked water at my precious pelt! So I hid under the bed until dinner, which was, incidentally, about 4 seconds later.  
  
Girl - I think her name's Mirael? Sabriel? Whatever - Sabriel got all weird at dinner. Wouldn't sit down. I told her to park it, cuz we wouldn't get served otherwise. I'm very glad she came, because I would have still been eating in the kitchen. Sabriel asked me how I knew she was coming. Resisted the urge to say, "Duh!" really loudly. Hurrah! Told her that since I've been here pretty much for forever, I could tell when an Abhorsen dies. She choked and spilled her drink, and asked me what I meant. I said, "Duh! He's not in the 9th gate yet, but he sure is pretty durn dead." She got all sobbity. Whatever. Told her that she was Abhorsen now, because he sent all his pretty bells and swords to her. I don't think she realized that.  
  
Then she did a stupid thing. She tried to go into death. Scratched her - man, did that feel good! - then told her she was being an idiot. If she went into death, dead things could come in the house! No! I did some role modeling and told her that she was only supposed to set the dead to rest, not bring them back. She said that I should fork off. I'm not sure what that means, but I laughed anyway. Told her that I didn't care what happened to some snot-nosed brat who decided to die. Heh.  
  
Then she went all, "Help me, Mogget!" and scratched under my collar. Ah, one of the perks of being a cat. I'll add that to my list.  
  
PROS  
  
1. Tuna  
  
2. Milk . . . never told any of my demon friends that I liked milk . . . have a feeling they'd think I was a wimp . . . or a cat.  
  
3. Being petted / scratched / left out in the sun  
  
Right. Anyhow. Told her she was tragically ignorant, but I don't think she got the insult. Hee! Then told her to eat her fish, cuz we'd talk later. Went down into the Hot Springs to get steam therapy. I need it, after taking care of this brat. Went back to study to find her looking at book of the dead. She was all, "Yeah, I know ALL about this book, yeah, uh-huh." I laughed at her and she threw a book at me. At me!  
  
Asked me for help. I said, "I don't know, why don't you read his diary?" and then she got all huffy when I said I didn't know where it was. Threatened to throw another book at me, so I told her that he had sally- forthed to the capital. And Sabriel acted all shocked when I said there wasn't a king, queen, or kingdom for over 200 years. Duh. Tried to tell her something, but got all tongue-tied. I hate my bloody curse.  
  
Sending came down, told us, Ahem, gestured to us to come to the roof to see something. Or a piece of cheese. Not sure. Mordicant was still there, being evil and whatnot. Enslaving humans, which I think is quite a laugh. Sabriel acted like a girl when I said they'd be here in, oh, about 36 hours. You would not BELIEVE the panicking. At least she didn't scream. Asked me who Ker - ker - ig - Honestly. I can't even write his name. I'll call him Terry! Asked me who Terry was because some dead thing threatened Sabriel and said, I'm paraphrasing, that he was gonna sick Terry on her. Obviously, this is not good.  
  
So I said to start a 3 week long flood. And I quote, "We can't wait that long! My father could be dead!" Major Duh, he's already dead. Told her we had a paperwing. She gave me a blank look. A paperwing! Flying! I waved my arms a couple times to emphasize this. Quote, "Do you always do this to the new Abhorsens?" And I said, only to the not-as-bright ones. Then she tried to strangle me. Damn! This always happens! Told her that if we wanted the flood to work, we had to start it now. So she goes, okay! And traipses down into the basement.  
  
So we get to a block of ice and ask it for a flood. Sabriel was a tad bit skeptical, but hey, who's been here longer? Me! Duh. Told Abhorsen to stop sightseeing the damage being done, because her getting all sobbity is just so aggravating. Asked her if she was going to Belisaere. Yes, she was. Asked her if she knew where it was. Ha! She didn't. Laugh, laugh. Asked me if I had a map. Ooh, that was priceless. I almost fell off the tower. No doubt I would've landed on my feet. So then she picked me up and said, "Okay. You know where it is, right?" Said, yes, am now berating myself. I have to go to Belisaere with her. What have I gotten myself into NOW?  
  
***  
  
Huzzah! Okay, since it's been a while since Mogget last wrote, assume he got a whole lot better. Time does that you know. Next chappie soon, I promise!  
  
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Some notes to reviewers, whom I love, and here! *waves Girl Scout cookies* the cookies I promised!  
  
Akiri: Yes! Let's burn them all!  
  
The Loon: Good. People who don't like Mogget should burn in Hell. I'm glad you love this!  
  
Brook and Summer: I feel no need to make Mogget pee on someone, because I've read your story. ("Wonder if there's a liquor cabinet?" LATER: "Found cabinet!" That's like the best line.)  
  
Rosethorn: Duh. Of course I'm writing more. :-)  
  
Headless Fruit Bat: Assume that since he's a demon in the first chapter, he's kinda whatever about being articulate. Which is the point of this chappie. He's so much better at writing.  
  
Bluedaizy4: Thank you. I understand you weren't fully awake, but thank you.  
  
Farren: Well, it mighta changed a bit, but still trying to make Mogget snarky and sarcastic. Note the 'duh' in every other sentence. Duh.  
  
Ladyknight: I told you to read those books, but noooo . . .  
  
numbskul411: Sorry about lack of updates, emailing alert to you! Here's a cookie. *holds cookie*  
  
BlueWell31: Ooh, Trogdor AND Mogget? Huzzah! I feel an idea!  
  
Saturntongue: Don't worry, when Sabriel takes off his collar, HAVOC WILL INSUE! BWAHAHA! *cough*  
  
Usagi Editor: Tee hee. Like. Story. You?  
  
Miaka Yukinosa: Sorry dude. You can have a . . . *looks around* a . . . chocolate! But I'm glad you like my story, if not the cookies.  
  
Sam8: Good. Being in luv w/ Mogget is good, even if you don't have anything constructive to say. Heh.  
  
Saraneth: Yes, no havoc. Bad Mogget. :-)  
  
LCM: Mebja? MOGGET! *glomps*  
  
Aurlakh: Trying to make it not confusing. But glad you enjoyed it.  
  
Et-Chan: You were my first reviewer. *dumps boxes of cookies on Et-chan* You rule! 


	4. MESSAGE TO THE FANSHATERS

Hey guys, I'm finished with for a while. Actually, probably forever. Just so you know, when I wrote this fic, I was in 7th grade. I didn't know what Cassandra Claire's Very Secret Diaries were. I wrote this story because I liked the Sabriel books and I noticed that there were no humor fics in this category.

I'm in 9th grade now. My writing has matured considerably, and maybe someday (like, the summer) I'll get back into the swing of writing at this place. (Whatever happened to the meaning of that sentence, I don't know. Maybe it ran away and _died_ or something. You tell me.)

So adieu, happy readers, I'll miss your comments.

For unhappy readers –

**Kaliel **– at least you gave me _constructive _criticism, and I respect that. Thank you.

**Rob** – since you replied so immaturely to my story, I feel that the best response I can give is also very immature – your face sucks cock, fucker. (Sorry if that offended anyone)

**Desert Roses** – I really don't have anything to say to you, except start learning how to spell and/or write constructive criticism.

The End! (For now…_dun dun dunnnn_! Or not.)


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